I’d like to talk to you about fashion. I’ll pause for those who know me to laugh. You see, they know I don’t buy my own clothes. Never have done. My mum and two sisters do it for me. Birthdays and Christmas, I tell them what I need, and off they go to the shops. Yeah, I’m dressed by my mum, what of it? She has bloody good taste.
So anyway, fashion. I’m not going to pretend to understand it. Jade works in that industry. She shows me pictures of catwalk models thinner and more lifeless than Michael Jackson, circa yesterday. They wear rags arranged into different styles and someone takes a picture. Fashion darling, it’s as full of bullshit as journalism.
That was until yesterday when Cheryl Cole stepped out in that dress. I sent the link to Jade. “Don’t like it,” said I. “I like her in her tracksuit bottoms and hoody.” (I am into the chav look in a big way). There was too much on show, where was the imagination? Jade responded by sending me a picture of a model in the same dress. “Alexander McQueen”. Something had actually gone from the catwalk to real life. Maybe designers do matter? Shit, maybe journalism matters? I am reassessing…
Catwalks, they work in the abstract, I am assuming. They are the first beam of sunlight that inspires the full blown summer of a high street collection. I sort of get it. It is something abstract inspiring something solid. It is the idea before it is made practical.
But then an incident at work makes me reassess. We have a no shorts policy. It is non-appropriate office wear. I emailed HR for clarification. They replied that “smart casual” was the rough rule, and that all staff had to dress “appropriately”.
What does that even mean? What is smart casual? What is appropriate? I sit at my desk all day. Appropriate wear for sitting at a desk is… what… tracksuit bottoms for comfort? My boxers if it is hot? And appropriate for a fashion website? Probably something mental. Like leather leggings and a poncho. The terms are abstract. But they don’t seem to be inspiring anything solid. We men, we have no idea what exactly we can wear. There is no route from HR guff to real life.
And I say men purposefully, as this only applies to boys. Girls? Well short of coming in naked they can do what they like. Anything is appropriate. They don’t have rules.
So maybe there is a reason my mum buys my clothes, why my work doesn’t trust us boys to dress and why the catwalks are female dominated (men’s fashion is almost an oxymoron). Men don’t know how to dress. We can’t do it. And we don’t care about it. We don’t want to care about it.
But hang on, I do. I want to wear my shorts, but I can’t thanks to some abstract policy. So what I’m thinking is, all you fashion people out there, how do you make the abstract solid? How does my equivalent of a Jean-Paul Gaultier creation reach the high street so that I can actually discover what the hell I am supposed to be wearing to work and then change it so I can wear shorts. Answers on a postcard, please.
July 3, 2009 at 11:12 |
There’s no “e” on the end of “Gaultier” oh subbing one Jon, come onnnnnnnn
July 3, 2009 at 11:15 |
Pedant.
Are you not impressed I know he is? Admittedly, it’s a result of Eurotrash…
July 3, 2009 at 12:16 |
Oh god, of course, it would be wouldn’t it!
July 3, 2009 at 12:20 |
Hoping to class myself as one of your “new fashion friends” post meeting last week and our subsequent mutual Twitter follow, I’d like to offer my opinion on this post.
Before I start, ‘can of worms’ springs to mind but the main point I wish to discuss is this humbly bracketed statement: “(men’s fashion is almost an oxymoron)”. I strongly disagree, at WGSN alone we cover over 100 menswear shows per season – ask Jade – and that’s just at designer level. Add to that grad shows and off-schedule shows and you have a veritable menswear feast to gorge upon. So it’s not that it’s not out there, but you hit the nail on the head with your follow up statement (unbracketed): “[Men] don’t care about it. We don’t want to care about it.”
So perhaps more interesting is that, like you with your shorts situation, most men look to clothing as a practical statement. You want to wear shorts because it’s hot. A woman chooses between her hotpants, cut-offs, safari shorts, playsuits, city shorts or culottes as an aesthetic statement. Temperature has nothing to do with it. If a woman wants to wear shorts in the winter, she’ll add tights.
You guys don’t need over 100 shows offering a host of new styles, new colour combinations or even new items. You just want shorts for warm weather and trousers for cold. And for as long as you’re happy with that, things aren’t going to change. Until men change their mindset from seeing fashion at its most basic purpose – to preserve modesty (no clothes = naked) and as protection from the elements, they wont be able to begin to breakdown societal clothing regulations such as your HR rules.
Don’t you think women were told “no trousers in the office” back in the day? Work environments are probably one of the last bastions of fashion evolution. So until men really start enjoying shorts outside the office – and I mean really exploring all the styles of shorts men have on offer (and believe me there are more options than hibiscus flowered boardies), they wont be accepted into ‘normal dress’ and in turn, never seen as a viable summer alternative to work trousers. Your company’s dress code regulator probably envisages the troops turning up in camo print cargo shorts with more pockets than a herd of kangaroos. But if tailored walking shorts in neatly pressed cotton teamed with a long-sleeved poplin shirt (casually rolled to the elbow) were more commonplace on regular guys not just fashion gigolos snapped by The Sartorialist, perhaps these would eventually become acceptable at the desk? Just with women and their trousers, and eventually their shorts.
Until this style revolution however, perhaps I could suggest a lightweight pair of chinos, rolled at the ankle, for a summer workwear option? And dare I mention a deck shoe? One for another time perhaps.
July 3, 2009 at 12:32 |
Firstly, a fashion friend you mot definitely are.
Secondly, wow. That is awesome. You break down fashion like an English student with a weighty Jane Austen. Consider me impressed. But could I pull off “tailored walking shorts in neatly pressed cotton teamed with a long-sleeved poplin shirt”. you’ve met me, after all… And where would my mum find these for my birthday?
I think you hit the nail on the head though. The word “shorts” hits all sort of alarm bells in the employer’s head, mainly because they envision exactly what you say. A restyling of short wear and employer perception is perhaps in order then. A team effort to break down the wall.
As a side note, what is the fashion world’s opinion of the alexander mcqueen dress on Cheryl Cole? Too much. She looked much better last night in this, bar the jacket: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/2515324/Cheryl-Cole-looks-busty-at-Nobu-with-hubby-Ashley.html
July 3, 2009 at 13:45 |
The jacket is the best bit! Would you really have thought a plain black vest and skinny jeans worth discourse?
As for the McQueen dress, I give her a C-. C because at least she’s aware of Alexander McQueen who is not your average WAG’s radar, but the minus because it’s too Kelly Brooke circa Julien Macdonald, 2000: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-8997/Smallest-Dress-Kelly-Brook.html
For me the McQueen dress was what I like to call a Paula Abdul. “Two steps forward, two steps back.” (Opposites Attract,1989)
Enjoy the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1H93plagDGU
July 3, 2009 at 13:49 |
I had no idea a dress like that was possible (re Kelly Brook). Must say, Cheryl works the McQueen better than Kelly works that.
And Opposites Attract is a classic. The cat steals it.
July 3, 2009 at 14:16 |
Also, yes having met you I do think you could rock my suggested walking short and shirt combo. My boyfriend picked up such a look at H&M recently for hols and it’s the best I’ve ever seen him look!
You could also try – or tell your mum to try, Zara or French Connection for tailored shorts.
Remember it’s a mindset and once you all start doing it, it will feel a whole lot easier. I know no-one likes being a sheep and following the flock, but sometimes much can be said for safety in numbers.
July 3, 2009 at 14:20 |
That’s a lesson for life.
July 3, 2009 at 14:29 |
Hahaha Jon in a deck shoe I would like to see! Then I would promptly pee myself laughing
July 3, 2009 at 20:01 |
what happened here? I used to know this chap called Jon Severs who wore green rain coats and tied his jumpers around his waist. Now he’s discussing deck shoes and chinos?! Is nothing sacred anymore? My rock in this ever changing world is being subverted.
I need to lie down.
July 3, 2009 at 21:31 |
Jade killed my green jacket. What a daemon! And as for fashion, Dan you know my jumper will always be around my waist!